Lost Screen Tests: Fake Interview with Samuel L. Jackson

He's "King of the Mother@#$%^ World," and he's got s--- to say about movies, women, language, and those lost screen tests recently posted on the Mini Movie Channel website.* (*Mini Movie Channel stresses that no actual celebrities participated in this interview or the screen tests posted on www.minimovie.com . The words here are not those of the actual Samuel L. Jackson. They're parodies, mother@#$%^!)

Mini Movie Channel: Mr. Jackson, why do you think you didn't get the role of Jack in Titanic?
Samuel L. Jackson: I guess they wanted someone different. That little mother@#$%^ Leo ain't nothin' like me.

MMC: Why were you so verbally abusive to Kate in the audition? Do you have a problem with women?
SLJ: Abusive? I wasn't pickin' on her; I'm always like that. And no, I love women, especially their t@#$%^. Sorry, but if you can't stand the mother@#$%^ heat, get out the f@#$%^ kitchen! Maybe this is why they kept me off that boat.

MMC: Aren't you concerned about how your language affects people, and what they think of you? What about children who hear it?
SLJ: H#@& no, it's real; and if little kids hear me talkin' this way in a movie, it's something they shouldn't be watching anyway. And on TV all the good s#%& gets cut out or bleeped. I've been bleeped a lot. King of the bleepin' world!

MMC: Your Titanic screen tests have been a hit for Mini Movie Channel. Do you have any others we could post?
SLJ: S#%^ yeah, how about the one of me trying out for Gladiator: "Commodus?! What the f&%^ kinda name is that?" Or Hannibal Lecter, where I tell the b&#%^ what I'll do if I get outta jail. Or Ariel in The Little Mermaid. Man, those Disney mother@#$%^ still won't talk to me after that one. Maybe I should clean up my act a little….

(*Mini Movie Channel stresses that no actual celebrities participated in this interview or the screen tests posted on www.minimovie.com. The words here are not those of the actual Samuel L. Jackson. They're parodies, mother@#$%^!)